It's Friday evening and I don't want to talk about how much I hate the faculty and about the way some people are mocking at us, I don't want to talk about how sleepy I am, but I want to catch up with this week's time telling a revelation.
It didn't take place in the bathroom but it has to do with a chair. I'm talking about the piano chair. So, I was sitting on the piano chair and I was playing. I had taken up again Toccata and Fugue in d minor Bach, because it had been a long time since then and since Arad. And as in Arad I had prepared and played only the toccata I said I should start learning the fugue. I start playing and according to my good custom I play faster and faster and my fingers start babbling on the claviature.
I didn't give up and went forward as the tank toward the end of the piece. I' ve noticed a thing though, there was a segment which, in spite of outpacing the maximum legal speed limit, I managed to play impeccable. Weird! I play it again. Perfect!..hmm..aaaa, yesss! As I was preparing myself for Arad I had the ambition to prepare also the fugue but didn't succeed to study only a part of it. Guess which part? Aham, exactly this one. And then, that very moment, the revelation came. When you're in the midst of a trial, in order for your faith to have an effect, you should have 'studied' beforehand. And by this I mean small faith exercises or better said small dependence exercises. When I study scores I concentrate very much upon the scores and upon my fingers (so that they are in right place). Translating that, you look straight to God then to yourself and you see what is in the wrong place. Often I fail many times until I succeed to play three or four measures correctly. Even more, as I keep repeating them it seems to me that it sounds worse and worse, but I continue. In other words, the righteous falls 7 times and gets up. Perhaps the fifth or the sixth time he falls harder then the third time, but he gets up. Sometimes I need to stop and look only at the scores, see their sense, feel their pace, in the very same way you need quietness. You just shut up and listen to God..maybe it's only the wind blowing, or a wave splashing on your feet, don't necessarily expect to hear voices. Ah, something important: three years ago I wouldn't have been able to play the d minor fugue, I needed time and exercise to get here. The extraordinary part is that God knows when you are ready for a certain 'piece' and He will never give you something beyond 'the strength of your fingers'. Some passages sound good after the first or second try, but some need more exercise and sometimes I keep playing two measures until I'm sick of them, I repeat them so many times that I have the feeling I know them by heart and start looking only at my fingers. Do you know what happens then? I realise that I actually don't know them by heart and my whole exercise becomes a helter-skelter, and only because I didn't keep my eyes on the scores. Never take your look away from God, you only have the feeling that you know by heart. Ha ha, I remember now, smiling, of one of my customs from the time I was learning to play the recorder. I was about 7 years old when I started learning the notes and to whistle and trying to make it easier I was saying the notes in my mind, until I knew them by heart. My sister laughed. Coming back, 14 years later, I know realise with amazement, how well it is to remind promises read and experimented, in trials..maybe there are only a few words..'didn't I tell you..' or 'the one who will win' or 'nothing shall I want..'
Maybe it seems to you a small thing to pray that someone's nose won't run, or it seems an unimportant measure to pray to find the driving license and this would fall from the magazine you have last opened months ago, but this is how you manage to play the whole of a piece and how to have faith in great trials. In this way measure adds to measure and results a piece and then there will come a day, expected or un, when you take the scores and play. You play so awesome that you will have the feeling that the composer Himself stands next to you.
I re-declare my dependence..and it's good!
